The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from the school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

Many people believe that the
education
we get from family is more important than
we
Correct pronoun usage
what we
show examples
receive from
school
. But it seems to me that
education
is not only about studying. It includes all kinds of specialization that we cannot get from family.
Firstly
,
school
is the only place we can learn academically and ethically. There are practice rooms, well-qualified teachers,
classmates
Correct word choice
and classmates
show examples
with the brightest goals, and it is an environment where students can fully pay attention to what they want to learn. We all know that the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
badly affected child
education
in Mongolia, and there are two full generations with
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
lag thanks to quarantine and being
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a year. It proves how crucial
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
education
we get from
school
and family cannot give us the
education
that children need.
Secondly
, a
school
can give us moral and ethical
education
, There are all kinds of children in the world,
for example
, from poor and rich families,
oldest
Add an article
the oldest
an oldest
show examples
or youngest or only child in a family, a
school
can make them one. They teach offspring how to behave properly, how to be good to each other,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
to be the right person. How
our
Add a missing verb
do our
show examples
parents spend the money that they have been collecting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
? They spend most of their money just to get us higher
education
. It proves how
parampunt
Correct your spelling
paramount
school
education
can be. Admittedly, I agree with those who argue that
education
from family is more important
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
some point. Family
education
lays the foundation of any other learning activities, but it does not give us enough knowledge of bigger
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
. To summarize, it seems that
education
from
school
is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
chance to fulfill our goals and it provides us
more
Change preposition
with more
show examples
qualified and specialized knowledge that family can not offer.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings
  • investing
  • tax obligations
  • retirement planning
  • loans
  • credit
  • interest rates
  • crowded curricula
  • traditional academic subjects
  • real-life experiences
  • parental guidance
  • practical
  • intellectually rigorous
  • school syllabus
  • gig economy
  • income-streams
  • challenging
  • trained teachers
  • specialized field
What to do next:
Look at other essays: