In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. but some advertisers claim that there is useful information in the advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The advertisement industry is huge, every year the money that companies invest in
this
increase. Despite the fact that some
ads
can be useful for knowing some
products
,
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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am of the opinion that the main
objetive
Correct your spelling
objective

The word objetive is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

is selling and not always they will focus on the useful information of their
products
. When we talk about selling
products
like toys or snacks companies
dont
Correct your spelling
don't

The word dont is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

try to focus on the advantage of their
products
over the competence. They always
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise

The word emphasis doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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making
this
Correct determiner usage
apply

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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cheerful and animated advertisements to
try
Add the particle
totry

It appears that the verb persuade should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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persuade the children.
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Usually. Consider adding a comma.

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they show
this
Change the determiner
this kid
these kids

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun kids. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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kids
enjoying their
product
. The problem with
this
is that a lot of times they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
won't

The word dont is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

say anything that let the parents know more
of
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
product
from a point of view of if
this
is good or not for their
kids
.
In addition
to
this
,
kids
are not adults that will
difference
Replace the word
differentiate

The word difference doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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between what is true or not of
this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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ads
and they may have the wrong idea of some
product
.
On the other hand
, I think that companies are evolving with what they show in their
ads
. With
this
Add a comma
,this

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase With this. Consider adding a comma.

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I mean that nowadays society
look
Change the verb form
looks

The plural verb look does not appear to agree with the singular subject society. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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for
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun publicity in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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publicity that shows information
that is
useful for us.
For example
,
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun days. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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when they talk about some snacks for
kids
, they used to
shown
Change the form of the verb
show

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb shown. Consider changing it.

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a bunch of
kids
having fun and saying how nice was the
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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product
. Now they focus a lot
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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showing more information for the parents about the quality of their
product
in aspects of nutrition values and ingredients. To sum up, It is true that the number of
ads
is increasing and their main objective is to sell more but because consumers are asking for more they are adapting to
this
, trying to sell their
product
showing why their
product
is good and suitable for
kids
.
Submitted by alvarobsaavedra on

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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