Many people spend a large amount of money on celebrating birthdays and weddings. Others think that it is unnecessary to spend so much on these events. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

People celebrate their special days
such
as weddings and birthdays which are considered important.
While
others say that it is completely a waste of
money
. I will discuss both opinions in the essay and
then
, conclude my side. In
this
hectic life, people only get
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
chances to gather as everyone is working hard to meet their expenses.
Therefore
, they organize functions to collect memories, celebrate and
also
, get a break from their busy life. In some countries, it is considered a tradition like, in India, weddings are performed in front of the society for three days with extravagant spending.
Moreover
, children living far from their parents like, in foreign countries, get quality time to spend with their families and relatives. The quality of time you spend matters
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
than the quantity.
On the other hand
, there is
also
a belief that celebrations are no more than just
money
wastage as they can
also
use
this
money
in many ways. To illustrate,
instead
of throwing a party, travelling abroad at
affordable
Add an article
an affordable
show examples
price will be more beneficial
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
helps to learn something new about other cultures.
In addition
to that, adding to your knowledge is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
way to invest
money
such
as joining your
desirable
Replace the word
desired
show examples
language learning course. In these ways, people will get to know more about other nation's living, ethics, languages and so on. In conclusion, celebrations are important in one's life and every person has their own aspect on
this
topic. So, I believe that celebrating your
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
much more important than doing something else. You will collect memories with your loved ones to remember.
Submitted by kaursimrat455 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Well done in discussing both sides of the topic. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will cover in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the points are well-supported with examples. Try to improve the transition between paragraphs for better coherence.
Task Response
Clear presentation of both opinions on celebrating birthdays and weddings
Task Response
Effective use of examples to support your arguments
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: