Many people spend a large amount of money on celebrating birthdays and weddings. Others think that it is unnecessary to spend so much on these events. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
People celebrate their special days
such
as weddings and birthdays which are considered important. While
others say that it is completely a waste of money
. I will discuss both opinions in the essay and then
, conclude my side.
In this
hectic life, people only get few
chances to gather as everyone is working hard to meet their expenses. Correct article usage
a few
Therefore
, they organize functions to collect memories, celebrate and also
, get a break from their busy life. In some countries, it is considered a tradition like, in India, weddings are performed in front of the society for three days with extravagant spending. Moreover
, children living far from their parents like, in foreign countries, get quality time to spend with their families and relatives. The quality of time you spend matters most
than the quantity.
Rephrase
more
On the other hand
, there is also
a belief that celebrations are no more than just money
wastage as they can also
use this
money
in many ways. To illustrate, instead
of throwing a party, travelling abroad at affordable
price will be more beneficial Add an article
an affordable
that
helps to learn something new about other cultures. Correct pronoun usage
which
In addition
to that, adding to your knowledge is better
way to invest Add an article
a better
the better
money
such
as joining your desirable
language learning course. In these ways, people will get to know more about other nation's living, ethics, languages and so on.
In conclusion, celebrations are important in one's life and every person has their own aspect on Replace the word
desired
this
topic. So, I believe that celebrating your days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
are
much more important than doing something else. You will collect memories with your loved ones to remember.Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Submitted by kaursimrat455 on
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Task Response
Well done in discussing both sides of the topic. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will cover in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and the points are well-supported with examples. Try to improve the transition between paragraphs for better coherence.
Task Response
Clear presentation of both opinions on celebrating birthdays and weddings
Task Response
Effective use of examples to support your arguments