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Band 4.5

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people’s life. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#governments #world #amounts #money #art #quality #people’s #life
The Ruling bodies of most of the nations in the globe invest a lot in developing
arts
 to improve their citizens
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 of life.
However
, there is an argument that money should be used to restore other resources in those countries. I support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the view that
arts
 are really important ,
furthermore
, looking after the needs of the
people
 should
also
 be given priority.The following paragraphs would support my opinion.
To begin
 with, the main advantage of encouraging
arts
 is that poor
people
 can find jobs .
Firstly
, schools related to music,dance,painting ,etc, will give the underprevelidged a chance to get educated.That means as those
people
 cannot afford engineering studies, these schools make them learn these beautiful art forms.
As a result
, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduation, these folks can earn a living.For
instance
Change preposition
For instance
show examples
, if the fees in these schools are kept very low many can take
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
admission and
thus
 get educated.
Admiteddly
Correct your spelling
Admittedly
, focusing only on developing
arts
 should not be the main aim of any nation because looking after public needs is the main
responsibity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of any of the Government.
Therefore
, improving the public services like transportation, updating women and child welfare schemes,increasing the job opportunities for the unemployed should be the principal agendas of the rulers.
For example
, unemployed persons should be given free classes on
technoklogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 which will make them
fina
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
 d job. At the
last
 , is it clear that
instead
 of putting all these
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 hold and moving towards enhancing other things is not the right way for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of a nation. To conclude,
Although
 the Governments in most of the nations are contributing a lot
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 art to improve
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, it is
also
 necessary for them to keep an eye on the requirements of the
people
 for improving their
people
's standard of living.
Submitted by Sri on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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