IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many believe that
art
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 is an essential subject for pupils to study,
while
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 others argue it is time-consuming. In my opinion,
although
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 I think learning arts is too wasteful since it is unnecessary for someone whose career is not related to
this
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 subject, I concede its benefit regarding nurturing talents. On the one hand, providing lessons for
art
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-related
subjects
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 in schools may help cultivate the natural talent of students. In fact, many pupils are gifted in their creative abilities. It logically follows that
art
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 will be able to teach them to express their thoughts and their ideas through any medium.
For instance
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, when young teenagers with good imaginations learn arts, which means learning how to draw a portrait and landscape or how to mix colour, those painting lessons will
consequently
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 promote the young’s imaginative thinking and creativity.
This
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 could possibly help school-goers succeed in the area of
art
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, where individuals involved need to showcase their ability to imagine creatively.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 learning
art
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 is beneficial for those young students who were born with innate talents in the
art
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, for those who dream of becoming experts in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other fields, particularly science, it is wasteful in terms of time and effort.
This
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 is mainly because studying and doing assignments
of
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on
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art
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-related
subjects
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 may account for a huge amount of time, which can be efficiently used in other important
subjects
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. If,
for instance
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, students
aimed
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aim
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 to become
a
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apply
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scientist
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scientists
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, they might need to pay more attention to more essential and vital
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics, physics and chemistry. Once they excelled in those
subjects
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, they would have the opportunity to pursue a scientific career, which might secure a stable level of
their
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apply
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finances to support their family and private life. In conclusion, despite the fact that
art
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 lessons play a fundamental role in nurturing talents, I believe that
instead
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 of studying
art
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, which is time-consuming. Schools ought to strike a balance
,
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apply
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 but prioritise the preference of their pupils.

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task achievement
The introduction presents a clear topic, but the viewpoint presented in the thesis statement could be made more concise and directly reflect the main argument. Consider clarifying your opinion regarding the necessity of art education.
coherence and cohesion
The essay's structure is generally logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively, especially between paragraphs.
task achievement
While you provide examples, at times they feel generalized. Adding specific situations or hypothetical scenarios would strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable to the reader.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied, which helps maintain interest in your writing. Using terms like 'cultivate', 'imaginative thinking', and 'innate talents' illustrates a strong lexical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • express
  • non-verbal
  • innovative thinking
  • academic performance
  • spatial awareness
  • critical thinking
  • emotional benefits
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • core subjects
  • resources
  • job opportunities
  • economic stability
  • measurable skills
  • standardized testing
  • real-world challenges
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