IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Does it help students if parents pay for their children's university education?

#students #parents #children #university #education
It is a well-known fact that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
university
education
, as well as good social connections and a strong work ethic, are vital in order to achieve professional success in life. In fact, considering that nowadays most jobs require a
university
 high-level degree just to get a foot in the door.
Now
Add the punctuation
,Now
show examples
 who is to pay for
this
 is another matter. TheTheHaving said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the benefits of
parents
 paying for their
children
's
educationchildren
Correct your spelling
education children
education
 are not generally
provend
Correct your spelling
proven
proved
: in fact, if a student must work in order to pay for
hispay
Correct your spelling
his pay
display
spay
 his own
education
, it is likely that he is going to value his lessons more and to strive for his results
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because he knows well the cost of his
education
. Indeed, despite a study from UC
University
 has
foundfind
Correct your spelling
found find
 out that if
parents
 pay, fewer
children
 leave
university
 before graduating than if
children
 pay for their own
education
,
nevertheless
, it has
also
 been shown that the more
parents
 pay, the worse
children
’s academic results are. The reason could be that if a child thinks that his
parents
 will always cover his back, he will not be committed to build his career and to sacrifice for that. What’s more, working in their twentiestheirsince your twenties can teach them soonerthemyou sooner how to interact with people and how to become more confident when they
aretheyyou
Correct your spelling
are they you
 are requested to do something. Admittedly, it is harder to get good grades at
university
 while you are working too, but it can
also
 be an opportunity to develop your resilience and your self-esteem. In conclusion, it might be a good adjustment if
parents
 pay only a fraction of their
children
's
educationchildren
Correct your spelling
education children
education
, and offspring help them with the residual.
Submitted by carol.scandolara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: