IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Norms of rest have become
the a
Choose an article
a
show examples
 matter of growing issue for the International community. It is often reported that less sleep has bad far-reaching consequences for individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
structuring
Change the verb form
structure
be structuring
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problem and
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 it brings for the feature. One main factor causing
people
Use synonyms
 to less sleep family responsibilities. Some
people
Use synonyms
 oldest in family, they are responsible to earn and provide for the family so they do more that one job which may work until the night.
For example
Linking Words
, in developing countries, it is commonly popular for
people
Use synonyms
 to work in taxi services after their usual office work
so
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 earn additional income.
In addition
Linking Words
, many cities suffer from traffic congestions in the morning and at
nights
Fix the agreement mistake
night
show examples
 when everyone is in a hurry, so
people
Use synonyms
 must wake up earlier and leave their house in order to avoid stuck in traffic. The effects of less sleep can be extremely harmful.
Firstly
Linking Words
 it could lead to ill health. The human body needs to sleep more than seven to eight hours because of being
powerful
Replace the word
power
show examples
 and energy. If
people
Use synonyms
 sleep not enough
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 might suffer from mental health problems. Based on the findings that (
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
)
people
Use synonyms
 who stay up late are could
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 memory.
Secondly
Linking Words
, not enough sleep lead to high-stress level and them difficult to find time for fun with family members or friends. To conclude, many
people
Use synonyms
 do not sleep enough because they need to make a living and want to start their day early.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only their health is affected but
also
Linking Words
 their relationships.
Submitted by abu_muhammed02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: