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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe the reasons behind this problem and give some suggestions in order to motivate the children.

It has been observed that nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 dedicate
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of their
time
Use synonyms
 indoors watching television and operating laptops rather than performing outdoor
activities
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 as compared to the past.
This
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 essay shall discuss considerable reasons behind
this
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 trend and shall
also
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 provide some valuable suggestions to motivate them. Spending a huge proportion of
time
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into
Change preposition
on
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 indoor
activities
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 by the
children
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 has various causes.
First
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 and foremost, advancements in technology can be considered as one of the main root
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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. It has offered plenty of options to be chosen as a hobby by the
children
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.
For instance
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, PUBG, an online game, is trending worldwide and saps the entire
time
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 of
children
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, isolation is
also
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 a noticeable factor that results
into
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in
show examples
indulgence
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the indulgence
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 of
children
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 with electronic
devices
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. It is born out of the existing working culture as both the parents are working and do not
spendenough
Correct your spelling
spend enough
 quality
time
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 with their offspring, which in turn, encourages
children
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 to spend their
time
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 watching TV and operating computers.
However
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, there are some suggestions that can be taken into account to persuade
children
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’s involvement
into
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in
show examples
 outdoor
activities
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.
To begin
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 with, access to smart
devices
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 at
an
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apply
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early age should be prohibited.
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Instead
Add a comma
,Instead
show examples
children
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 should be motivated to participate in various sports competitions.
For example
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, tournaments at
society
Correct article usage
the society
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 level can be organized to develop
children
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’s interest
into
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in
show examples
 them.
In addition
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,
dedication
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the dedication
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 of proper
time
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 to
children
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 can act as a motivational factor to participate in group
activities
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.
As
Correct your spelling
A
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single
Add an article
a single
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 child cannot perform outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 alone and needs a companion to play with him. To conclude, technological advancements and isolation are the main causes that lead to excess usage of electronic
devices
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.
However
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, restricting access to
such
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devices
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 at an early age and giving sufficient
time
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 to
children
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 can mitigate the problem and motivate them towards outdoor sports.

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