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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts illustrate the amount of spending by percentages in various areas for daily living in Canada and Poland and comparison of life events in these two countries with estimated global average previously age 35.

The charts illustrate the amount of spending by percentages in various areas for daily living in Canada and Poland and comparison of life events in these two countries with estimated global average previously age 35.
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The charts illustrate the amount of spending by percentages in various areas for daily living in
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Poland
Use synonyms
 and
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 of life events in these two countries with
estimated
Correct article usage
an estimated
show examples
 global average previously
age
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35
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of 35
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. Regarding the proportion of spending their gains, people in
Canada
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 invest one-fifth of total compensation on Leisure and clothing at 20% and 19% respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, the Canadians equally spend approximately less than a fifth of total proceeds on housing, food, transport and studies between 14% and 16%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the citizens from
Poland
Use synonyms
 use their budgets on studying nearly half of
total
Add an article
the total
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 earnings at 43%, which is the largest proportion of expenditure. It is followed by expenses on transportation merely over a quarter of their earnings.
Then
Linking Words
, they spend less on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other area
such
Linking Words
 as housing, food, leisure and clothing between 5% and 11%. Regarding the average
age
Use synonyms
 of life events,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadians make choices on leaving home and buying prior to 20 years of
age
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, which is much earlier than those from
Poland
Use synonyms
 at around 25.
Moreover
Linking Words
, compared to the global average, both
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Poland
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 represent no significant difference in the
age
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 of marriage. In summary, the people in
Poland
Use synonyms
 spend the majority of their income on studying
while
Linking Words
 those in
Canada
Use synonyms
 spend more evenly on various areas
Submitted by Shwe Yamin on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, poland, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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