IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet does more harm to society than the TV and the other media. Therefore, the government should take steps to control the use of the internet. Do you agree with this view? Why/why not?

Internet
Use synonyms
 does more harm to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional media.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 everyday essential only after
year
Change the article
the year
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 2000. Before that
people
Use synonyms
 had to rely on TV, radio and newspapers for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
.
Lives
Correct article usage
The lives
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 of the
people
Use synonyms
 were
in
Change preposition
at in
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 much slower pace back
then
Linking Words
. Now in today's world
people
Use synonyms
 are so into the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 there's no control over
information
Use synonyms
. So anyone can find all the
information
Use synonyms
 on how to make
bomb
Fix the agreement mistake
bombs
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 step by step just browsing over the
internet
Use synonyms
. In recent times almost all the damages done by the ISIS terrorists all over the world is by individual planning and executing rather
in
Change preposition
than in
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 a single
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. Because
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 access to
information
Use synonyms
, can order anything online and execute a plan individually.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most of
Use synonyms
information
Add an article
the information
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 about the lives of the
people
Use synonyms
 are exposed. So criminals can utilize
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 to hack their accounts, kidnap or even
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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murder. Recent criminal testimonials proved that. Multinational companies analyze the searching patterns of the
people
Use synonyms
 and target their advertising to feed onto that. So
this
Linking Words
 usually ends up pushing
people
Use synonyms
 to buy more and more. Google and Facebook both accepted that they have sold their user
information
Use synonyms
 with the other companies. There
are
Change the verb form
is
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lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of fake news and lots of false ideologies spread through
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 become victims of these
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation.
People
Use synonyms
 become more and more obsessed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities and
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
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 influencers
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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 thanks to the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are real personalities, there are tons of shallow personalities who are posting tons of posts with photos and videos
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 lifestyles where
people
Use synonyms
 tend to believe it's the reality. So eventually
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation will choose high-spending glamorous
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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 over simpler lives. Kardashians family who got
world renowned
Add a hyphen
world-renowned
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 for noting
productive
Replace the word
productivity
show examples
 is the best example. In conclusion, the government should intervene and introduce
censorships
Fix the agreement mistake
censorship
show examples
 for the content. There should be controls over the authenticity of the contents published.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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