IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In a public-funded health care system people who are willing to pay for the best and fastest treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is one of the vital sectors of any country. The government
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 system is public aided by the tax they pay to the government,
however
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, it does not mean that any random person can pay huge fees in order to gain access to early and reliable treatment. I completely disagree with his thought and will be elaborating my opinion
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay in an exemplary manner.
To begin
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 with,
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 in any part of the world should be easily accessible to common people as it is the right of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every individual. No doubt there will be endless lines for the consultation of doctors at the government
setup
Correct your spelling
set up
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 but it does not mean that those who
has
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have
show examples
 money should be entertained foremost. Only medical emergencies should gain priority and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of them must be seen in order of appointments.
For instance
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, I have seen a patient who was critically ill
was
Correct pronoun usage
who was
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 not admitted
in
Change preposition
to
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 the hospital and another person was taken just because he paid more money for the ICU bed.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
,Unfortunately
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 he died at the hospital in few hours.
In addition
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 to
this
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, money should never be the reason
in
Change preposition
for
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 compromising public
health
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. All citizens and residents should be treated equally regardless of their financial status.
For example
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, I have heard many people in many parts of
world
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the world
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 had already booked the ICU beds in case of emergencies, ultimately leaving behind
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 place for actually deserving patients.
Use synonyms
Health
Correct article usage
The health
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care
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 system should always play a fair role in
treatment
Add an article
the treatment
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 of society, which will help
maintaining
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to maintain
show examples
 the trust between doctors and patients.
Nevertheless
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,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 not doctors always responsible authorities at
high
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a high
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 level should be held accountable for the injustice. To conclude, In my opinion,
medical
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the medical
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 system has a dignified role to play. Patients must be treated as earliest as possible irrespective of their financial situation and
this
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 enforced strictly in all the
health
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centers
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centres
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 especially in the
public funded
Add a hyphen
public-funded
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.

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