Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

In
this
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modern society, a lot of folks can access digital devices
such
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as computers, and
accordingly
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, the number of
children
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who like to play
game
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consoles has increased. Playing video
games
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can create creativity and higher concentration,
whereas
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it may cause some health issues and worsen academic performance. Using
game
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consoles for leisure fosters creativity because young people can think strategically and figure out how to win battles in
games
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, using their imagination.
In addition
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,
this
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action might
also
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enable them to concentrate on only one thing in the long term, as those devices have a great feature, where school
children
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can be readily obsessed with them without being forced.
For example
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, Smash Brothers from Nintendo requires you to come up with the best way to beat several opponents in consecutive battles, which generally takes more than two hours to complete the course in the
game
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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technology may
also
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aggravate eyesight
as well as
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hinder academic performance.
This
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is attributed to these gadgets being so addictive that
children
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with little self-control would keep playing them endlessly, resulting in staring at a computer and a television for a long period of time, which can hurt one’s eyes.
Furthermore
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, the addiction can cause a reduction in time for studying
as a consequence
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. To illustrate
this
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, in Korea, 70% of school
children
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wear glasses , and the average score on the entrance exam for Seoul University has decreased. With
this
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situation, the government enforced a law to monitor all
game
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consoles that teen users have to prevent the youngsters from playing the
games
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after 10pm.
To sum up
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, there are a great number of technological gadgets, like computers, that individuals can reach out to, resulting in young folks spending a large amount of time on video
games
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. There are pros and cons to
this
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phenomenon;
for instance
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, some benefits are that they can become creative and that they can obtain higher concentration.
By contrast
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, some detriments are damaging their eyes and negatively impacting their academic performance.

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Task Achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating the main points you will discuss. This helps the reader know what to expect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'second', and 'finally' to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Add more examples to support your points, especially on how video games can improve concentration.
Task Achievement
You made good points about creativity and concentration as benefits of video games.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main ideas of the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving
  • hand-eye coordination
  • fine motor skills
  • aggressive behavior
  • addictive qualities
  • physical activity
  • social isolation
  • interpersonal relationships
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