It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Main Draft

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour #draft

Distinguishing what is

right

and what is wrong is a very important skill for people. I believe that it is crucial for

children

to learn the

different

Replace the word

difference

show examples

between

right

and wrong at an early age, and

punishment

is necessary for

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

this

skill.

Aslo

Correct your spelling

Also

punishment

is a mirror of law or sentence in the world that useful for foster

children

Children

, as the future of the world, is ignorant and is easy to be led

astroy

Correct your spelling

astray

. Their family and teachers have

responsibility

Add an article

a responsibility

the responsibility

show examples

to teach them what is

right

and what is wrong, and how to distinguish them.

For example

, flighting or abusing is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

wrong behaviour, obey regulations and use regulations to protect themselves is

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

movement.

Children

do not know

this

and after they born. If they don’t learn and understand

this

distinciton

Correct your spelling

distinction

as early as possible, they will easy to break the law or do harm to our future.

However

, most of the

children

are idle, lazy, or careless

Change preposition

about

show examples

what they are learning.

Punishment

, along with pain or

unhappy

Replace the word

unhappiness

show examples

, is

Change the article

show examples

effective way to attract their

attentions

Correct your spelling

attention

show examples

. They need to drive themselves to learn and remember what is

right

and wrong,

otherwise

Add a comma

,otherwise

show examples

they will be punished. If without

punishment

children

hardly understand and respect the value of

this

distincition

Correct your spelling

distinction

. In my opinion, the goal of punishments is to rise good behaviour. So, we can not use bad

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

pusnish

Correct your spelling

punish

children

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

. We can use punishments like community services, housework services, or physical exercise punishments.

For example

, punish

children

to clean the public garden, to clean their house, or to run 2000 meters if they do something wrong or have bad behaviour.

Submitted by huangjiancong863 on Thu Jul 08 2021

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Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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