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Band 3.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Some think this is good, while others believe this is a problem for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #proportion #people #think #country
There is an increase in
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
an elderly
show examples
population
 in the world. Some are of the opinion that
this
 is beneficial for the country
however
 others consider
this
 as not useful.
This
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and in my opinion
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of
increase
Add an article
the increase
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 in
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
population
 is not good for the nation. The increase in
percentage
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the percentage
show examples
 of senior citizens is disadvantageous for
progress
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the progress
show examples
 of the country. The young
population
 are involved in productivity and
with
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apply
show examples
the relative decrease of
this
population
 will affect negatively. According to world bank
statistics
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,statistics
show examples
 many countries including
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom the average age of the
population
 is on the higher side and in these
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 there is a fall in the economy.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the elderly
population
 are
burden
Add an article
a burden
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 to
country
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the country
show examples
 as most of them will require increased access to health care.
On the other hand
, the experience of the elderly age group individual should be utilised by the youngsters to move forward overcoming the difficulties faced
vy
Correct your spelling
by
 them. Most of the corporates have started
mentor mentee
Add a hyphen
mentor-mentee
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program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 for
grooming
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the grooming
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of
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apply
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the young with the experience of the elderly. Overall, in
conclusion
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,conclusion
show examples
 though the growing elderly age group hinders the growth of the nation, it can be beneficial if the government and the corporate
channelises
Change the verb form
channelise
show examples
 their experience for the betterment of the society.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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