Some people think traveling abroad is necessary, while others think its is not necessary because TV and the internet can give the same information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #tv #internet #information

Although

Remove the comma

apply

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it has been pointed out that it is necessary to visit other countries to gain various

knowledge

, other people consider that it is unnecessary as the same information has been given through

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the TV programs and

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

. In

this

essay, I will elaborate on both opinions and present my own stand of view towards the topics. On the one hand, some individuals think they do not need to travel to

another nations

Replace the adjective

another nation

other nations

show examples

This

is because, with the advancement of technology and social media, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

huge

Add an article

a huge

show examples

amount of information will be accessed in the form of electronic devices,

thus

making

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

redundant. As an illustration, thanks to screens and the filming techniques, everyone is able to see the animal migration which happens in Africa online.

On the other hand

, including me,

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

abroad is essential.

This

is because

traveling

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travelling

show examples

abroad makes learning

knowledge

more interactive and engaging than TV programs. The reason is that

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apply

show examples

leaners

Correct your spelling

learners

show examples

who make the trips have more opportunities to immerse themselves into the local atmosphere,

deepens

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deepen

show examples

the understanding of other traditions.

For example

, there are

huge

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a huge

show examples

amount of holiday-makers who are from

different

Add an article

the different

show examples

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

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come to Melbourne to study the café culture. They are able to go to local café

shop

Fix the agreement mistake

shops

show examples

to appreciate the café, both tasting and smelling, which is something that people who are

leaning

Correct your spelling

learning

show examples

knowledge

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online cannot get. In conclusion,

although

there are

Replace the word

various

show examples

vary

Correct your spelling

very

show examples

opinions about whether to go

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

abroad to study

knowledge

is necessary or not. I still strongly believe that travelling is still needed as it could

provides

Change the verb form

provide

show examples

more different experiences.

Submitted by Esther on Fri Jul 09 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Some people think traveling abroad is necessary, while others think its is not necessary because TV and the internet can give the same information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people belive that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Technology is being used more and more in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.