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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people live in a society where consumer goods are relatively cheaper to buy. Do you think the advantages far outweigh its disadvantages?

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Consumerism has been in the spotlight recently.
People
Use synonyms
 today live in a world where acquiring items might not be
that
Correct word choice
as
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 expensive as it used to be decades ago. Indeed, it is true, because technology, methods of payments
as well as
Linking Words
 government policies to the economy could help improve that pillar in a person’s life. I
then
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, strongly defend that even though
this
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 situation may present downsides, I still see some positive developments towards
this
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 evolution.
To begin
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 with, there are some obvious positive sides regarding purchasing
goods
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, especially if they have a good price. As
people
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 spend more money, they directly help companies enhance their profitability and
thus
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, more job vacancies might be created. It is a gear that works perfectly linking the willingness to consume, solidification of companies and
then
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, manpower necessity. Another important consideration is that as consumerism increases, more innovative products will emerge and naturally,
people
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 will prefer more well-developed
goods
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. Once is available a high-quality product in the market, its price will accompany what it offers.
As a result
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, older products may become cheaper and
then
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, it broadens the
society
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society's
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 possibility to purchase an item. It is a matter of
also
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 being inclusive to poor classes.
On the other hand
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, it is possible to outline some
negatives
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negative
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 developments. With the advent of capitalism, some companies are focused exclusively on profit and to that occur, they need to produce
goods
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 with less quality. Even though it could be cheaper, consumers will get a poor product,
then
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 the cost-benefit is a flaw. Obviously, it is not a frequent advent,
although
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people
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 need to be aware of sales strategies to not buy a thing expecting another.
Besides
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 that, as
people
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 might see the immediate moment, they do not measure how addictive is to buy products and when they do, they might already have huge debts. It usually happens in underdeveloped countries where
people
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 fight strongly to buy certain items and they are played by advertisements. In conclusion, the contemporary world allows
people
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 to have a better life with more purchased
goods
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.
Although
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 there are some disadvantages and they have their merits, I defend that
this
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 trend has brought more
positiveness
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positivity
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. As
people
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 work, they tend to spend more money and it hugely influences the chain, helping increase product’s quality afterwards.
On the contrary
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, some industries only face their profit and might play with
people
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’s minds and deliver poor quality to them.

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Task Response
You have addressed the topic well and provided a clear opinion on whether the advantages of cheap consumer goods outweigh the disadvantages. Make sure to include a balanced discussion of both sides in your essay to enhance your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a strong introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your body paragraphs are structured in a logical manner to improve cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your argument.
Task Achievement
Clear examples to support your points about the impact of consumerism on job creation and product quality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordability
  • quality of life
  • overconsumption
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable practices
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • decline in quality
  • frequent replacements
  • standard of living
  • mass production
  • cheap labor
  • working conditions
  • exploitation
  • innovation
  • cost-effective
  • competitive
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