IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story book are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extend do you agree?

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Some people think that
children
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 who spend a lot of time reading
children
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's storybooks are wasting their time, which could be better used doing other more useful
activities
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. I agree with the statement that
instead
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 of spending too much time reading
stories
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,
children
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 should engage in more productive
activities
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.
This
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 essay will explore several reasons for
this
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 approach.
Firstly
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, despite the many positive outcomes of reading
stories
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 for
children
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,
such
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 as improving imagination and memory, there are some drawbacks to excessive reading.
For instance
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,
children
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 may lose their connection to
reality
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 because they are not capable enough to distinguish
stories
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 from
reality
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.
This
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 is a serious issue that must be taken into account properly.
Furthermore
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, to address these issues, parents must be aware of their child's abilities and guide them
accordingly
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.
This
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 provides an opportunity to replace excessive reading with
activities
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 that reinforce a healthy understanding of
reality
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.
Moreover
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, reading
stories
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 is an activity that does not require much physical effort. I recommend engaging in hobbies that require more active participation.
For example
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, playing football with friends could be a
favorable
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favourable
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 choice because it involves physical exertion and social interaction, making
children
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 more social.
Thus
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, sports
activities
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 may be a proper alternative to reading
children
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's
stories
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some individuals suggest that reading
stories
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 to
children
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 is beneficial, I firmly disagree with allowing
children
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 to read excessively.
While
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 acknowledging the advantages of reading for
children
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's development, overly reading can result in a distorted connection with
reality
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.
Besides
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, reading does not require significant physical effort. Monitoring
children
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's
activities
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 and guiding them towards more productive pursuits that match their abilities is crucial. I reiterate that sports
activities
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,
such
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 as football, would be a better option as long as they suit the child's abilities.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully supported with relevant and specific examples. In your essay, you mentioned that parents should guide their children, but you might consider adding a specific scenario or example to illustrate this point better.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph leads naturally to the next. The transition between the discussion of the psychological impacts of reading and the suggestion of physical activities could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have raised relevant points related to both the psychological and physical aspects of children's activities, which makes your argument well-rounded and comprehensive.
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