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Band 5.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
The twenty-
first
 century is considered an era of technological advancements.
Usage
 of
computers
, especially by
kids
, for educational
purposes
Add the comma(s)
,purposes
show examples
 has upsurged in the
last
 decade.
However
, it has been argued that excessive
usage
 of
computers
 may have a gloomy impact on the child. I completely concur with the fact, as,
such
 technological devices might have detrimental impacts on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 immature eyeballs as well as can lead to psychological imbalance.
Firstly
, Constant staring at the
computer
 screen might result in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
impaired vision. At
such
 young age, the children have a steep growth physically, like in their height, muscles along with their eyes. Looking at
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 continuously might lower the focal length of the eyes,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 the rays being emitted out from the
computer
 screen have harmful effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eye growth.
As a result
, it's not uncommon to see teenagers wearing spectacles with high power.
Hence
,
kids
 are better to be kept away from the screens.
Furthermore
, Online
computer
 games can have
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
 impact on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 psychology. While it is, nowadays, a fashion to play collaborative online games with strangers, the
kids
 are not properly prepared to handle the failures at
such
 young age.
This
 leading to, them feeling more depressed and underconfident and
thus
 pushing them into
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 trauma.
For instance
, Recently,
kids
 playing some online
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 e.g. PUBG were found committing
suicides
Fix the agreement mistake
suicide
show examples
, since, they were not able to handle failures.
This
 is a serious issue which should be taken care of at
earliest
Correct article usage
the earliest
show examples
. To recapitulate,
Usage
Correct article usage
the Usage
show examples
 of
computers
 by
kids
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age has more downsides than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
upsides.
However
, it's is undeniable that
such
 devices play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 purposes. So, the
usage
 time of the
computers
 curbed under parental supervision might be a good idea to utilize the technology in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 positive way.
Submitted by mmritesh1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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