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Band 4

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #conflict #parents #part #whilst
Teenage is a growing stage and
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 phase in everybody's life. We cannot understand
and
Correct word choice
apply
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what they want and how they want.
Therefore
 a fair amount of people
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that teenage guys are frequently arguing with their
parents
 for no reason and I would like to express my viewpoints on the same. To embark on, It is quite common for youth to have a fight with their
parents
.
Firstly
, When the father rejects the college
student
Change noun form
student's
show examples
 offer
and
Correct word choice
apply
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they will start arguing with each other and it may end up in silence for a longer time.
Secondly
, when the college student
found
Wrong verb form
finds
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 something
on
Change preposition
in
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 the eCommerce market and
then
 they will
make
Verb problem
apply
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demand their
parents
 to buy that product as soon as possible and it may be very expensive or not required,
hence
 the mother can say no to the product.
And
Correct word choice
Last
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last
 but not least, a father
wanted
Wrong verb form
wants
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 to know how the
kids
 are performing in academics and even for
this
 matter
kids
 will get very angry
on
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with
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 their
parents
.
For example
,
parents
are going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to college on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis to know about the exam results ,
for
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apply
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 which
kids
 may think negatively about
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 observations. As per a recent Google survey ,findings most of the
kids
 are not happy with their
parents
 when they are over-focused on them.
However
, undoubtedly, The present generation is growing in the most advanced technological society. Both
parents
 must understand some of the basic needs of their
kids
 and allow them to buy and own them.
On the other hand
,
kids
also
 need to
educate
Wrong verb form
be educated
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 on their
family
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family's
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 financial position and the need for their offer. It means, before buying anything kid must think twice about how best it will be necessary to me.And
last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, the entire family need to go out and have some outings, which can help them bring together and understand more.
To sum up
, we are doing everything for our
kids
 and sometimes they may not understand
Correct pronoun usage
our parent
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 feelings.
Finally
, being a father we need a little bit of time to understand more about
kids
 and not to show any angry emotion
on
Change preposition
to
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kids
.
Submitted by tejakondapalli88 on

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task achievement
The essay does not effectively address the prompt and lacks comprehensive ideas. It needs clear arguments and examples to support the points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and a logical structure. The introduction and conclusion need improvement, and the main points are not effectively supported.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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