Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is inevitably true that parents push their children to outperform other students

instead

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of working with their peers mutually. Personally, I believe the disadvantages eclipse the benefits. One of the advantages is being a highly skilled person

while

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excluding yourself from others to compete with them. What is more, experiencing a rival environment in a school can make us industrious and self-confident in dealing with ongoing problems, and

hence

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, it affects our character and the future. A study conducted,

for example

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, by the University of Southampton found that any competition during the school days is the most favourable time in terms of improving ourselves, and

also

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, they are generally introverted people who do not like to contact someone.

On the other hand

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, there are significant and undeniable advantages that

also

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shape our future.

Firstly

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, seclusion might lead to several health illnesses under these circumstances that can be unwelcome

while

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studying.

Furthermore

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, being deprived of teamwork in the classroom might be a barrier to achieving triumphs for

such

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subjects that require some contact abilities.

Secondly

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, having communication skills and a broad network are the most substantial nuances for students, which spur people to be extroverted.

In addition

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, it is obligatory for us to be sociable to succeed in the world by advocating some research conducted by Chinese Universities in 2015

while

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taking living among 7 billion people into account.

To sum up

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, despite the concerns about pushing to excel our peers in school, the disadvantages might cause unavoidable issues that are explained above. I am convinced that the demerits outweigh the advantages.

Thus

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, I recommend being much more active in tackling the ongoing processes during the period.

yusifakhmadFri Oct 27 2023

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task achievement

Try to enhance your arguments by providing clearer examples and evidence that strongly support your claims.

coherence and cohesion

Work on ensuring a smoother flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs to improve overall coherence.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, which is a crucial aspect of effective writing.

task achievement

You provided a variety of points in both sides of the argument, showing depth in your consideration of the topic.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, most countries improve the standard of living through economic development. But some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices will help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life compeletly separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?