Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #proportion #health #budgets #technology #procedures #money #education #people

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Developed countries are prone to spending a huge share of the

health

Use synonyms

budget on costly

technologies

Use synonyms

and equipment.

However

Linking Words

, it is believed that countries are better off allocating

this

Linking Words

money to

health

Use synonyms

education to secure public well-being. I believe, that a major part of the budget should be spent on

technologies

Use synonyms

and procedures

along with

Linking Words

equipment,

while

Linking Words

the insignificant rest of the cash should go to awareness campaigns. Government expenditure on

technologies

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for medicine is extremely important

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it ensures proper treatment and better services for citizens. People all over the world try to receive cures in those states, where the latest mechanization is placed because it promises high-quality treatment. Expensive machinery and procedures ensure that

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

will be treated in the most efficient way, especially in cases of surgical operations, treatment of heart disease or transplantation of organs.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe government should spend most of the

budgets

Change the noun form

budget

show examples

money on costly medical instruments and the latest tools. Awareness campaigns should occupy an extremely minor part of the budget, because in nowadays globalized world people are deeply informed about the basics of hygiene. Owing to the internet people now know about the principles of hygiene as never before. There is no more need to explain that someone has to wash their hands, brush their teeth and wear a mask when ill

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it has already been popularized by websites and the international community.

Therefore

Linking Words

, bills on

health

Use synonyms

education should be allocated not as significantly as to

technologies

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. In conclusion, despite the importance of

health

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education,

this

Linking Words

direction is already popularized by the internet and other sources,

thus

Linking Words

more capital should be spent on medical apparatus, tools and machinery.

Submitted by akylov.a on Thu Jan 23 2025

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task response

You have presented a clear position on the topic and have extended your response across both body paragraphs. Ensure all key points are sufficiently supported with examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

While your essay follows a logical structure, it would benefit from smoother transitions between some ideas. Linking expressions could be used more frequently to establish clearer connections.

task response

Provide more specific examples to substantiate your statements, particularly regarding health education's role and potential impact.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that contribute to a cohesive whole.

task response

You've taken a definite stance and maintained your position throughout the essay, demonstrating a good level of task response.

task response

The argument for focusing health budget on technology is well-reasoned and relies on clear logic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Question Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.