IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #phones #school
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It is argued that
children
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 should be banned from using
cell
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phones
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 during the
school
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 day while some people firmly believe that there should be no ban on the usage of a
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 in an educational institution. In the following paragraph, I will try to explain both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views.
Firstly
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, a section of people
have
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has
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 a
view point
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viewpoint
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 that
children
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needs
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need
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 to be prohibited from using mobile
phones
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 in
school
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 premises as they feel that using
cell
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phones
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, under influence of
negative
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the negative
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 company, can be detrimental for their child's future.
Children
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 are more inclined towards eye-catching
application
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applications
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, and they lack awareness about cybercrimes and in
such
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 cases, they can become victims of cyberbullying and online fraud.
For example
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, in the recent past, there are several instances where
children
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 have overspent money in lakhs in PUBG games to get access
of
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to
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 more gadgets & a number of kids committed suicide instigated by the blue whale challenge.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if a student will be allowed to use
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cell
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a cell
the cell
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phone
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 in class, he or she will not be able to properly concentrate on his studies and will refrain from extracurricular activities that take place in
school
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 which will adversely affect one's physical as well as mental health. Contrary to the above
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
view point
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viewpoint
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, some people believe that mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 should be allowed as it is easier to know about the whereabouts of
child
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the child
a child
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, and they can reach him in case of emergency.
Further
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, they contend that mobile
phone
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 helps in the study as there are numerous online platforms like Google, YouTube which helps the
children
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 to grasp more knowledge
in addition
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 to
school
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 studies. To conclude, in my opinion,
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 flexible approach should be adopted towards mobile
phones
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. they can prove to be a boon for students if they are allowed to be used in
supervision
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the supervision
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 of elders whereas the emphasis is required to be laid on the involvement of
children
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 in curriculum and physical activities as
school
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 is the foundation of one's life.
Submitted by hmann2396 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
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