IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Internet crime is increasing rapidly as more and more people are using internet for financial transactions. What can be done to tackle this problem?

#internet #crime #people #transactions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays due to the expanding technology, many of bank's tasks are done by the internet. As
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 there are some negative aspects of that which can be prevented in order to improve the
sicurity
Correct your spelling
security
 system of the internet's financial transactions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, banks and government must be responsible for the
money
Use synonyms
 transferred.  While the financial sector unfollowed by strong backups, there is a suitable chance of a group of people who want to benefit from the abuse of
this
Linking Words
 system. It means that government and bankes consistent observation can boost the immune system and destroyed the suitable opportunity for robbers and hackers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, prevention is better than cure. people must be aware of some negative aspects of the Internet's
money
Use synonyms
 transfer and high withdraws should be done by traditional way. It means that individuals can be considered
this
Linking Words
 way of transaction for a low amount of
money
Use synonyms
. From
this
Linking Words
 ,perspective the level of crime considerably will be decreased and the chance of losing
money
Use synonyms
 will be destroyed.
Submitted by maleki.ali94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: