IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #years #governments #amounts #money #forces
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
By surveying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human history, it has obviously been observed that in the past, people and their governments suffered from a lot of difficult problems
such
 as pandemic diseases, expanded poverty and famine as well as a wide array of wars. But nowadays thanks to modernity, technology and awareness, these adverse aspects of human lives have considerably
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrunk
show examples
 (shrunk) and rectified. From
this
 perspective, I would maintain that
although
 pay attention to safety issues in different
Countries
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 should be considered, improving public health and expanding research fields by more investments from governments should not be underestimated.
First
 and foremost, there are numerous pieces of evidence that different countries have confronted with many safety problems.
In other words
, some ordeals: unavoidable economical competitions and differences among local people sometimes necessarily need to control from (by) the governments. As a consequence of that existing (existence) of military forces might
allievate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
 (alleviate)
such
 negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
in particular
, in the
third
-world impoverished countries.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, by reserving a huge amount of resources which are annually spent in order to promote armed forces throughout the world, the public health issues as one of the most
importants
Correct your spelling
important
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
 (matters) facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity can significantly be upgraded and improved towards the ideal living situations for all people.
Furthermore
, undoubtedly the progress of technological instruments in various areas should not be negligible. It has meant that the more we can try to achieve a lot of
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 (positive) consequences from
this
 area, the more we can benefit from striking outcomes.
Hence
, the pros of decreasing the armed forces throughout the world can strikingly eclipse the cons.
Submitted by maleki.ali94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: