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Band 3.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
In
this
 modern era, with highly developed technologies life is now much more comfortable.Since
then
 life expectancy has been higher than 50 years ago.Many
people
 have argued that because
people
 are living longer
then
 the
retirement
age
 should be higher. But in my honest view,
this
 will bring more unemployment and unproductivity.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 opinion I have said. As you know, the number of jobs available is limited.If
retirement
age
 is higher, young
people
 will have a hard time finding jobs.There is a fact
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 suggests that raising
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
age
 reduces youth employment in both sub-periods.
For instance
 in Burkina Faso in 2017 it had the highest unemployment rate in the world, exactly at 77 percent.So if the
retirement
age
 is altered,
this
 country soon will collapse when approximately 88
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
people
 won’t have jobs. As elderlies can have serious health problems, they can be off-work for many days.
Moreover
, they lack
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 required
such
 as using the computer and the internet.
Thus
 productivity is decreased.
On the other hand
 , young workers are more energetic, fast thinkers and very confident.They have the ability to cope with
such
 hard conditions and challenges.For example,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a company with flexible youngsters can increase productivity
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 that with seniors. On a final note, I strongly agree that raising the
age
 of
retirement
 is a useless move, as economic development will be higher with new
fresh
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
employees
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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