IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #children’s #leisure #activities #waste #time
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As for today’s competitive and fast
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 I realised that everyone wants to be on the top.
Hence
Linking Words
 for the new generation
that is
Linking Words
 the same thing being taught by parents and
expect
Change the verb form
expects
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 an intelligent, smart and most versatile output from their
children
Use synonyms
, but I do not agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach
instead
Linking Words
 should allow leisure time for them to identify
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 talent. I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should get non-educational leisure activities for them to rejuvenate and allow them to develop their own perspective from everyday learning. It is important that
children
Use synonyms
 should be brought up with strong educational knowledge, but in order to thrive
this
Linking Words
information
Add a comma
,information
show examples
 they should be given enough time to experiment with their own understanding. There should be a holistic approach
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 wellbeing, extracurricular activities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best form for
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 growth in mental and physical areas.
For example
Linking Words
, it is proven that
by
Change preposition
apply
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learning any musical instrument can increase the child’s brain strength as much as with mathematics I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be encouraged to have educational tours and adopt reading habits for them to develop
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 curious mind. The reading habit will help them to unlock the new secrets of the world and lay the foundation of new ideas, but it should not be forceful as it can have
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. There are many studies proving that
children
Use synonyms
 feel extremely pressurised when they are overloaded with homework or studies and they fall into depression or develop anxiety, which results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 discontinuing the studies. In conclusion, I do agree that there should be educational activities for
children
Use synonyms
, but parents and school should give importance to
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 development as well. There should be
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 approach and most importantly an environment where
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 feels happy.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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