IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that to give opportunuties to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunuties #generation #companies #level #employees
It is believed that in order to give opportunities to young people, organizations should encourage
employees
 who are older than 55 to go on retirement. I absolutely agree with
this
 as there are several reasons why they should implement the mentioned idea.
First
 of all, young adults are known to have more energy and high ambitions forcing them to do their best in any field.
Thus
, if companies hire young people they will have a higher proportion of motivated
employees
 that are ready to move a company to higher levels.
In addition
, they do not have the fear of making mistakes compared to older colleagues and tend to be more optimistic and open-minded.
For example
, being one of the most successful companies in
technological
Add an article
the technological
show examples
 sphere, Apple tends to hire
employees
 that are not older than 45.
Furthermore
, the representatives of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation are highly likely to follow old rules and customs.
Moreover
, it is a lot more difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to adapt to new technologies, methods and trends because it takes a great
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 and time to change outdated habits formed during their careers.
Lastly
, they usually get stuck in old habits and approaches that slow down any progress especially in the spheres that appeared several years ago.
For instance
, according to the history of the UK, during the reign of old
kings
Add a comma
,kings
show examples
 the country did not have any revolutionary discoveries. In conclusion, I fully agree that more opportunities should be given to the new generation by encouraging older
employees
 to retire.
This
 will accelerate the progress and development of any company.
Were
Change the verb form
Was
show examples
 I to hire people I would definitely look for young adults.
Submitted by Khan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: