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Band 4

Some people believe that it is possible for a country to be economically successful and have a clean environment. Others argue that these two aims are not compatible. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #country #environment #two
Nowadays
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a successful economy is not an easy task; most people think that it is not feasible to get both and that it is very difficult to try to have both. I disagree with the opinion that having a good financial condition is not the reason for having perfect surroundings. In
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples. First of all, assuming that the financial situation is growing in the country, but today urban development poverty population explosion
above all
, inappropriate consumption patterns, deforestation, transportation of materials dangerous
extra
Correct word choice
apply
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, ozone depletion and climate change wich
these
Correct pronoun usage
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disrupt nature so with a great economy these things can be prevented to some extent, but they can not be completely eliminated it means, we can not eliminate all factors to have a flawless environment.
For example
, China has some of the worst air quality in the world. It is
also
 one of the biggest emitters of greenhouse gases, and it seems that industrial activity is never going to end.
On the other hand
, government and people cooperate
together
Rephrase
apply
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to make
this
 goal possible with continuous effort
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as
Change preposition
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green production means
that pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 attention to the needs of the current generation
according to
 the needs of the next generation, and resources are properly managed or
green
Correct article usage
a green
show examples
 economy that inclusive, United Nation Environment Program, International Chamber of Commerce Green, economically Labor Force, Global Network Green Growth Knowledge Platforms, and OECD. Despite these factors, the male government has been drawn to pure nature. To summarise, it is possible that the process of nature is deteriorating with human intervention, but with preventive measures,
this
 downward trend can be stopped in some cases. In my view, the government should try to protect the environment well with its ideal financial situation.
Submitted by Majid on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks a clear and organized structure. Ensure that your essay is well-organized and follows a logical sequence of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, but they could be more effectively structured. Work on creating a stronger introduction that clearly outlines your main points, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • environmental sustainability
  • policies
  • technology
  • commitment
  • green technology
  • renewable energy sources
  • carbon emissions
  • pollution
  • industrial development
  • production
  • consumption
  • depletion of natural resources
  • loss of biodiversity
  • unsustainable
  • consumption patterns
  • sustainable development
  • technological innovation
  • global cooperation
  • circular economy
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