IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

#people #travel #country
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These days, more and more
people
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 prefer to go abroad for various reasons like vacation, study, job,etc. It is often thought that
such
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people
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 are more patient
while
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 dealing with
others
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 . In my opinion, visiting a foreign country does make
people
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 more tolerant,
however
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, it is not the only reason for
this
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.I will discuss my viewpoints in the following paragraphs and justify my opinion.
People
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 often
travel
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 to foreign nations because of their work or studies and sometimes in order to have a long vacation. There they need to interact with local
people
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 who have different perspectives on various things and a completely different
mindset
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. In order to ensure that their
travel
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 is enjoyable and peaceful, tourists must adapt to the local customs and beliefs.
This
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instills
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instils
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 an attitude of tolerance and makes
people
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 accept
other's
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others'
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 opinions and thoughts even if they differ from their own.
In addition
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 to
this
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, it
also
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 develops an open
mindset
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 towards a lot of things.
For instance
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, I had a friend who used to despise gay
people
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 and their right to live a good life.
However
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, after visiting the
U.S
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U.S.
, her
mindset
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 changed and she accepted that they are an important part of our society.
On the other hand
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, it is not true that only those
people
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 who
travel
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 to a country outside of their own are understanding and accepting of
others
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. These qualities can be imbibed in
people
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 from a very
age
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young age
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 by a variety of methods
such
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 as by encouraging them to read stories that teach good moral values.
Also
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,
people
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 who live in a city with many nationalities residing there, are automatically exposed to
people
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 with different cultures,
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mindset
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mindsets
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, rituals and ethnicities. As they interact with
such
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people
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 on a daily basis, qualities like tolerance and acceptance get instilled in them over a period of time.
To conclude
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, it is a wrong conception that those who
travel
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 to a new country are better at empathizing with
others
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 than those who don't.
This
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 a quality which can be acquired if good values are taught to children at a young age . Citizens residing in cities with multi-cultural residents are
also
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 accepting and understanding of
others
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.
Submitted by yashashrikolalle on

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the given topic but could be strengthened with clearer examples and deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the link between ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
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