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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing( for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
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It is true that technological devices
such
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 as surveillance
video
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 or mobile
phone
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phones
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 are utilised for monitoring public
activities
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 these days. In the most common case, many
people
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 do not realise that they are being monitored.
Although
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 the
existence
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 of these devices has some drawbacks, I do believe that it has more benefits for our communities and the following essay will discuss it in details. On the one hand, it is reported the usage of technological tools has increased,
such
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 as
video
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 cameras that are placed everywhere by
authorities
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 and the tracking of individuals' cellular
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 using satellite technology. These acts are unfavourable for some
people
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 since
authorities
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 do not inform their residents about the
activities
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. Some
people
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 believe that
this
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 is against human rights and freedom, where
people
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 should have their own privacy.
Besides
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 that,
this
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 monitoring data could be misused by the member of the
authorities
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, as the data could be sold to another party for business or political purposes.
On the other hand
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, the
existence
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 of CCTV in public places and satellite tracking of mobile phones would bring many advantages for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humankind if they are used appropriately.
With the
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The
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existence
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 of these
video
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 monitoring
activities
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, it would help the police department in preventing and investigating any
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
activities
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. And
then
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, with the sophisticated satellite tracking technology, it could help
authorities
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 in tracing crime persons, as they could search the
existence
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 of criminals through the signal of mobile phones. It has been proven that
with
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apply
show examples
the usage of these sophisticated technologies, it has reduced the number of crimes in many countries. In conclusion, it is common that governments use advanced technology devices
such
Linking Words
 as
video
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camera
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cameras
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 and handphone tracking
system
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systems
show examples
 to monitor their residents'
activities
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. And in common cases, these monitoring
activities
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 are not informed and socialised to the public,
therefore
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 some
people
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 believe that they are against human's privacy policy. In my personal opinion, I do believe that these
activities
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 have more positive sides than
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 negatives if
authorities
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 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 properly.
Submitted by Thanh xuân on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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