IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing, martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competitions
It is true that when it comes to physically very active
sports
, they could be argued about their accessibility to everyone considering their extent of violence.
However
, since they have been decent parts of the valuable parts in the
sports
 field, they should not be regulated. On on hand,
firstly
, those who insist that any violent
sports
 should be controlled are worried about the effects on others especially children. In their point of view, they believe that once people are exposed to those violent scenes repetitively, they could be mentally shocked or their tendency could be aggressive
as a result
 of watching them.
For example
, the parents who realized that one of their children started to attack the other children by his fist after becoming a big fan of martial arts might want to keep his son from watching the
sports
.
Secondly
, they say that there are some possibilities that active
sports
 could lead to making a lot of hurt athletes due to the competition.
In other words
, considering the strength of the contenders and the features of every active sport, they think it would be beneficial if we can stop hosting them not to make any injured people.
On the other hand
, in my perspective, the very active
sports
 deserve to be respected and supported as obvious parts of
sports
 just like other
sports
such
 as figure skating and tennis. The
first
 reason is that there are a lot of hard workers who already have prepared for their accomplishments in their own field. For fairness, nobody can disturb them just because of their feeling of them.
Next
, every sport has the possibilities that can make injured athletes. Even those that look safe and not violent have tons of people who are already hurt due to their hard practice. In conclusion,
sports
 that appear dangerous or brutal still should be maintained in a fair view and the athletes have the right to achieve their dream just like in the past.
Submitted by ggg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • combat sports
  • glorification of violence
  • impressionable audiences
  • cultural heritage
  • self-discipline
  • sportsmanship
  • media portrayal
  • regulatory measures
  • censorship
  • psychological impact
  • broadcasting regulations
  • watershed timing
  • advocates and opponents
  • ethical considerations
  • economic implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: