IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Traffic congestion is a growing problem in many major cities. Some people say that the government should be responsible to reduce the use of cars. And the car users also have to use public transportation more. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Traffic
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congestion
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 has become a serious issue in many major cities, leading to debates about who should take responsibility for reducing
car
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 usage. Some argue that the
government
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 should implement policies to control private vehicle
use
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,
while
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 others believe that individuals should take the initiative by using public transportation more frequently.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, many believe that the
government
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 should play a key role in reducing
traffic
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congestion
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. One way to achieve
this
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 is by introducing policies
such
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 as
congestion
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 charges, higher parking fees, or restrictions on
car
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 usage in certain areas.
For instance
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, London’s
congestion
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 charge has been effective in discouraging excessive
car
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use
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 in the city centre.
Additionally
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, the
government
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 can improve public transportation by investing in more efficient bus and metro systems, making them a more attractive alternative to driving. Without
such
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 measures, many people will continue to rely on their private vehicles, worsening the problem.
On the other hand
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, some argue that individual responsibility is equally important.
Car
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 owners should recognize the negative impact of excessive driving,
such
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 as air pollution and longer commuting times, and voluntarily switch to public transport. If more people made a conscious effort to
use
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 buses, trains, or carpooling services,
overall
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congestion
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 would decrease significantly.
Furthermore
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, companies could encourage employees to work remotely or adopt flexible working hours to reduce peak-hour
traffic
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. In my opinion, both the
government
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 and individuals have a role to play.
While
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 authorities should introduce policies that discourage unnecessary
car
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use
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 and improve public transport, individuals must
also
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 change their habits and consider alternative modes of travel. Only through a combined effort can cities effectively tackle
traffic
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congestion
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.

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task achievement
While the arguments in support of both views are well articulated, consider elaborating more on the potential downsides of the government intervention to provide a more balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Although the structure is overall clear, integrating more cohesive devices can enhance the flow between paragraphs, guiding the reader more smoothly through the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a well-defined structure, with a clear introduction, balanced discussion of both views, and a concluding opinion.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and strengthen the arguments made, particularly the mention of London's congestion charge.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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