In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messsage ?

It is thought that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
encouraging
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescence
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
hardship to gain everything and being successful in various traditions, but it has certain drawbacks
also
in some conditions.
This
essay will examine the merits and demerits of the statement and provide a logical conclusion.
First
of all, hardship is essential for confidence and experience. Hard work
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
the confidence to acquire great achievements despite the worst situations. Many successful persons achieve their ambition because of it.
Such
as , Late
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
A.P.J Abdul Kalam who was a great scientist and former president of India .
Moreover
,
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
could be gain from
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
A
Change the article
An
show examples
experienced
person
Add a verb
isperson
wasperson
show examples
capable to tackle difficult problems.
For instance
, In India , mostly experienced
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
are eligible for the post of principal.
However
, there are
also
some major disadvantages like it cause of a lot of pressure on kids and sometimes it is
profit less
Correct your spelling
profitless
show examples
. When children motivate for enough
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
it may
depressed
Change the verb form
depress
show examples
them. Natural ability and
intelligency
Correct your spelling
intelligence
buried
Add a missing verb
are buried
show examples
due to
this
pressure. To exemplify, some scholars become
bookworm
Fix the agreement mistake
bookworms
show examples
because they want to be top students and suffer many
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
issues
such
as physical weakness and isolation.
Furthermore
, in the era of globalisation, smart work is superior
than
Change the preposition
to
show examples
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
Experienced
Add an article
An experienced
The experienced
show examples
person might be replaced by
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
intelligency
Correct your spelling
intelligence
.
For example
, many countries appointed young blood because of their smartness . To encapsulate, it is beneficial to tell children
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
to get experience and confidence.
Although
, it may bad effect on children health and sometimes it is misapplied.
Submitted by singhlakhy362 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: