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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to school to promote their products.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #food #restaurants #supermarkets #money #school #products #development
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In the highly competitive era of today,marketers
such
Linking Words
 as restaurants and supermarkets have realised the marketing opportunity offered by
schools
Use synonyms
 and so are giving money to
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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.Even though the administrators of
schools
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 are using that money to raise funds for
school
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 activities,
this
Linking Words
 is definitely
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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 for
school
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children
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,adverts
of
Change preposition
for
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 fast food and their availability within
school
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 premises would help to develop
children
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's taste for
such
Linking Words
 foods.
This
Linking Words
 can increase problems like obesity,which in turn is the root cause of many other health issues among
children
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.As it is,
children
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 today have sedentary lifestyles,which makes it imperative that healthier food
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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 should be made available to them. The welfare of students should be the top priority of
schools
Use synonyms
 and they should not fall
in
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on
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 the bait of these companies for monetary benefits.
Secondly
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,
such
Linking Words
 commercials intrusions within the academic environment can promote consumerism.
For instance
Linking Words
,if
schools
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 promote advertisements of any
products
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 like toys or computer games from supermarkets through education material,billboards or
school
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 television,
children
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 would think that they have the approval of teachers and
school
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 authorities.
Consequently
Linking Words
,these vulnerable
children
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 pester their parents to buy those
products
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,which can upset the family budget.
Correct pronoun usage
This
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These
Correct your spelling
There
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is
Change the verb form
are
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very
Correct article usage
a very
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 vividly example of how
Correct your spelling
commercialization
commercialzation
Correct article usage
the commercialzation
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 of
schools
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 can promote materialism in
children
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. Supporters of
such
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 practices claim that the money
such
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 companies give for promoting their
products
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 inside the campus,helps financially-strapped
schools
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 to buy library books or improve sports facilities.They claim that
children
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 benefit from the additional resources and facilities that
schools
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 can afford due to
such
Linking Words
 funding.What they failed to see is that commercial intrusion are already present in
children
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 lives these days and there is no scope for more. To sum up,it is definitely a negative development to use
schools
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 to advertise their
products
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 as
this
Linking Words
 may lead to unhealthy eating and a materialistic attitude in
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by singhlakhy362 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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