The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Rapid
Add an article
The rapid
show examples
growth of obesity in society will cost a lot to the healthcare system in order to battle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the health problems.Many believe that the introduction of physical education in the school syllabus is the most effective method.In my essay I'm pointing out the factors while agreeing on the statement to some extent,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
I believe that the
lessons
on
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
vital in reducing obesity.
first
of all, make more physical
lessons
will make the younger generation grow healthy.
According
Add the preposition
toAccording
show examples
tothe
Correct your spelling
to the
the
researchers
Add a comma
,researchers
show examples
physical exercises makes younger people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the hormones at the required level in order to maintain and grow their bodies
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
precise manner.
Also
, it will cultivate the
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
of exercising among students so they will continue their
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
even when they are grown-ups.Even in the current society people who did sports during their school days continue to maintain their health by doing some sort of exercise.Another benefit is children will get mentally strong when they do physical training which will reduce the
chaces
Correct your spelling
chances
of them getting obese due to psychological reasons.
However
, educating students about the
diet
is
also
critical.Because all the efforts in making children do fitness training will not sustain if they're not aware of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
.When they get to the
diet
and its role in our health they will
giveup
Correct your spelling
give up
on junk food and lean towards healthy foods.When
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
growup
Correct your spelling
group
grow up
they will
passdown
Correct your spelling
pass down
the information to their children and
this
will be a household practice. In conclusion, I would say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing the
physial
Correct your spelling
physical
lessons
in the schools will help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity and the results will be
farmore
Correct your spelling
far more
greater if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
combined with
lessons
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food.
Submitted by charith.jayathilake on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: