Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#societies #mixture #peoples #country

It is an irrefutable fact that in

contemporary

Correct article usage

the contemporary

show examples

day and age, societies are becoming more diverse thanks to

open

Correct article usage

the open

show examples

policies of governments. Multicultural

society

has its own drawbacks as well as benefits to government and people if it is well managed. The following paragraphs will analyze the pros of a multiethnic

society

and provide relevant examples. To commence with the benefits of a culturally diverse

society

first

and foremost all ethnic groups share their valuable knowledge and experience.

Hence

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society

becomes unique and interesting.

For example

, cities like Ottawa or New York are melting pots of various cultures, nations, traditions, and food.

This

phenomenon attracts

Correct article usage

an uncalculable

show examples

uncalculable

Correct your spelling

incalculable

show examples

amount of tourists.

Consequently

, the boost in

tourism

Correct article usage

the tourism

show examples

sector may help to develop the economy of the country.

Additionally

, people learn how to be tolerant towards each other and become more integrated. Children grow in an environment where different people and

believes

Replace the word

beliefs

show examples

are equal and become

become

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

open minded

Add a hyphen

open-minded

show examples

individuals.

Nevertheless

, sometimes refugees and immigrants become

Add an article

a burden

show examples

burden

Fix the agreement mistake

burdens

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Therefore

, the government should properly manage the integration of immigrants and refugees into

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

. For

intsance

Correct your spelling

instance

, implement free language courses or develop well-thought-out employment programs.

As a result

of these implementations, newcomers will not have language

bariers

Correct your spelling

barriers

and will be able to communicate their needs, avoid misunderstandings. To put

Correct pronoun usage

it in

show examples

a nutshell, I pen down and say that multinational societies are beneficial on many levels.

However

, the government should put its best foot forward in order to nurture social harmony.

Submitted by shoira.shakirovna on Mon Jul 19 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Since traffic is such a problem in modern cities, private cars should not be allowed in city centres. Discuss the arguments for and against this statement. What do you think we should do about the problem of traffic in city centres?

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

TOPIC : Advertising discourages us from being individuals by making us all look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some I people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.