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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that music plays an important role in society while others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Opinions are divided on whether
music
Use synonyms
 plays the role of a piece of entertainment or whether it becomes an essential
part
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 of our society. While I understand why some
people
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 support the former view, I am still in favour of the latter. Those who believed that
this
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 form is not important role in our community may have several arguments. As far as the
first
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 point is concerned, nowadays, there is a wide range of types of entertainment
such
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 as watching a movie, playing a video game, etc.
Therefore
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,
people
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 have a variety of choices to select which suits them the best. Old
people
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,
for instance
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, prefer to catch the news than listening to
music
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.
This
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 is because they think that watching the news help them gain more knowledge and develop their soft skills in
life
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. Another point that needs to be considered is that from the past until now,
people
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 ‘s perceptions have affected traditional belief which has a notion about considering
music
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 as an art and does not evaluate it as a functional invaluable activity. According to
this
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, some
people
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 would think that the attribution of
music
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 does not make
life
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 better and thereby underestimating the crucial role of
music
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 in society.
Nevertheless
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, I still side with those who believe that
music
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 has a positive effect on society for several reasons. The
first
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 benefit is that
music
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 helps to put
people
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 in a more relaxed mood. By way of ,illustration Employees can release their stress after the hectic working day when listening to
music
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.
Therefore
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,
music
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 becomes a necessary
part
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 of
people
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’s
life
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. Looking at the
second
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 idea,
music
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 is a unique language that can build a close rapport among
people
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.
For example
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, teenagers are likely to talk with a person who has the same
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interest and their favourite type of
music
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 especially rap, pop, and so on.
Then
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 they can attempt to establish a friendship.
As a result
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, it can be said that
music
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 has a close relationship with
people
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 and becomes an important
part
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 of
people
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's souls. In conclusion, despite acknowledging why
people
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 think that
music
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 is just a
part
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment, I still hold the belief that it is the major thing in
life
Use synonyms

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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