IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption
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Nowadays the consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
-based drinks has been increasingly popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people of all ages. Due to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 huge variety of drinks available in many different places, people consume them
in
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on
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large
Correct article usage
a large
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 scale which
have
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has
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became
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become
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a
Remove the article
apply
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damage
for
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to
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 people`s health.
This
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 essay will discuss why people are consuming more and more
sugar
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-based beverages and what could be done to reduce the consumption.
Firstly
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,
sugar
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 drinks are present
in
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apply
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everywhere, because of
this
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 the access to them is even easier and frequently. The reasons for
this
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 current issue could be explained not only for the low prices but
also
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 for the celebrity endorsement.
Although
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 health organizations try to keep the population loop with negative sides of
sugar
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 overdose, social media and large companies make the opposite,
in other words
Linking Words
, they promote the
consume
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consumption
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 with a low price and misleading
information
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 about the product. For
examples
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example
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, at
supermarket
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a supermarket
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, place where the price is written in big and catching letters, but the
information
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 with calories, fat,
sugar
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 and so forth is reduced in minimum letters to
be overlook
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be overlooked
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 by the consumers. In sum, the use of
sugar
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 in huge quantity in some beverages has been present among in the individuals which result in an uncontrolled overdose. The more
the
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apply
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social media endorses the use
it
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apply
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, the more society believe that it is ordinary and healthy.
Secondly
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, the government should create laws more severe about
the
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apply
show examples
uncontrolled use so that companies must be punished for unrespect them. These laws should be about the misleading
information
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 given by companies and perhaps about the prices.
In other words
Linking Words
, society should be informed about the real effects of
sugar
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 in their body before they have access
the
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to the
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 product full of unreal and unhealthy
information
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.
For instance
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, an aware person about
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
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 of
sugar
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,
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apply
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 certainly would be a person more prepared to make good choices about
the
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apply
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sodas and foods, which
resulting
Change the form of the verb
results
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 in a society more healthy. In short, if there were laws more rigid about
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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 of
sugar
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,
population
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the population
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 should not consume
sugar
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 sodas
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 scale. In conclusion,
there
Replace the word
their
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many
Add a missing verb
are many
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 sodas at
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
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supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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 with an excessive quantity of
sugar
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, which leads to soaring of high consumption by
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay argued why individuals are consuming
this
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 kind of liquid with more frequency and what could be done to stop the overdose.
Submitted by larissafelipin on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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