IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
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Nowadays,
sports
Use synonyms
 marketing is gaining popularity around the world. During
such
Linking Words
 big
events
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,events
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 we see athletes,
players
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 wearing jerseys sporting big company logos or commercials advertisements between the match breaks. While it is beneficial for the
companies
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, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 I agree that it does have some drawbacks on the part of
players
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 and spectators. To embark on, big businesses provide huge funding to the events and advertising a product here work wonders for the
companies
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. To illustrate cricket is the most popular
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sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 in India and millions of people watch these matches religiously and when people see advertisements that are repeated in every break it prompt the product into the audience’s minds.
This
Linking Words
 way, advertisers earn a lot of sales from
such
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 promotions.
Also
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, we already see that the Indian cricket team’s costume and equipment
is
Change the verb form
are
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 heavily laden with labels of various
companies
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.
On the other hand
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, many times the cricketers are asked to promote a brand by thanking the brand in the interviews they give. Athletes that are brand ambassadors to certain brands have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great pressure to keep their image at their best in media and public.
Companies
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 pay huge sums of money to
players
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 for their endorsements, and
this
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 can tempt the
players
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 into earning more money in
this
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 manner rather than playing. All these things eventually distract a player from his focus
towards
Change preposition
on
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 the game or sport he is supposed to represent. To sum up, advertising in
sports
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 events is appropriate only if it is limited. Excessive promotions take the whole essence of
sports
Use synonyms
 and gaming out of the event.
Submitted by tanyabhatia1993 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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