IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only governments can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cities #consequences #people #governments
It is true that one of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 results in the modern
city
 is the rise of
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
 problem, which some
people
 agree that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could be deal with
this
 issue by just governments. In my
oppion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
i
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I
show examples
 totally
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
 view. On the one hand, finding
place
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a place
show examples
 to live in the cities has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 more difficult because of two reasons.
Firstly
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of citizens
dramatical
Correct your spelling
dramatically
show examples
 drop in recent years. Due to the
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
city
's life
such
 as the education, job
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, the entertainment,..., these are
attactive
Correct your spelling
attractive
attracting
 many
people
 move to the
city
 to follow the better life. While
,
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apply
show examples
 the number of housing is not growing fast enough for
this
 trend.
Finally
, it has made the price of housing go up, and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 do not have enough money to pay it off.
Secondly
, the top of social residents is the unequal development, which has made the
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 different of poor and rich. Not only there are more upscale
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
 in the
city
central
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centre
show examples
, but the inner-
city
 areas, which
poor
Add a missing verb
are poor
show examples
 furnished to living
also
 become more crowded.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that only the government could
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
slove
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solve
show examples
this
 problem. Basically, they should do more social housing
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 ODA
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
. If residents in
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 class need to buy housing, they would
been
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be
show examples
 supported to do
this
with
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at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 price.
At
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In
show examples
 addition, the state should improve transportation
systerm
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system
 with urban areas
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the
city
. The
convinence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 transport would help the more
people
, who live in the
countriside
Correct your spelling
countryside
country side
, go to work in the
city
, so they do not need to make
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 home. In conclusion, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of
evidents
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evidence
 for housing problem increase in nowadays cause of development's cities,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 suppose that the
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should bear with situations.
Submitted by vuanhhibstrading on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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