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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjects #future #careers #music #sports
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The importance of schooling is undeniable: it decides what kind of person we become, what kind of job we will do and what kind of life we will have/lead.
Therefore
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, what should and should not be taught at
school
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 is/ has been a heated debate. Some people believe that schools should focus on
subjects
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 that are relevant to student’s occupation in the future, while others state that courses like
sports
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 and
music
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 should
also
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 be included in the education curriculum. Both viewpoints are supported by justifiable reasons, but I personally lean toward the latter. On the one hand, academic
subjects
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 are very crucial. It could be said that the main objective of people who attend
school
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 is to get well-paid jobs after they finish.
Thus
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, to achieve
this
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 objective, the majority of the curriculum focus on core
subjects
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 like math, science and language. Higher education institutions and employers would highly appreciate those students whose performance is high in
such
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subjects
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. Taking Vietnam as an example, most universities only focus on the results of academic courses when they enrol students in the programs.
On the other hand
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,
subjects
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 like
sports
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 and
music
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 cannot be discounted. While they may not be directly helpful in employment, they can help candidates to have essential skills that employers need, so candidates are more employable. Nowadays, employers are more concerned about adaptability, creativity, and soft skills. These qualities are developed by playing
music
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, participating in team
sports
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 more than joining in academic lessons. Another reason why non-academic
subjects
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 should be taught at
school
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 is that it can discover many young athletic and artistic talents. When students join the
music
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 and
sports
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 class in secondary or high
school
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, they can learn about their potentials and have plans to develop their future careers. In conclusion,
although
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 academic
subjects
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 should be the priority at
school
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, it is
also
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 important to teach other
subjects
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such
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 as
music
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 and
sports
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.
Submitted by hbui19982016 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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