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Band 4.5

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #life
Nowadays, it is said that
women
 are better at childcare than men.
This
 essay will shed light on if
women
 should spend more
time
 raising children
instead
 of their working life.
Firstly
, since many ages ago
women
 always have looked after the children while men were hunting the meal.
Women
also
 get pregnant and they carry their babies for nine months in their bodies. For
this
 reason, they are biologically predisposed to
this
 type of task.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 true that humanity is evolving and the differences between the two sex are reducing. Today the predominant culture wants to erase the gender differences but is not too easy because men and
women
 will be always similar but not biologically at the same. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that every family should be free to raise their children in the way they think is better. In some families maybe the woman can spend more
time
 looking after the babies and the man by working and in other families the reverse.
For example
 in my family there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 differences, me
also
 my wife
we
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 work and we spend
time
 looking after our 1-year-old son. Just at the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 my wife used to spend more
time
 because she was the one with the milk in his chest and because the 9 months with the baby in his belly she was already more
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confident with him and his necessity. To sum up,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am nobody to say what is better for other families, I just think, from my personal experience, that babies in their
first
 year of life probably need more than their mums.
Submitted by diamadia1 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • nurturing
  • empathy
  • sensitivity
  • maternal instinct
  • paternal involvement
  • child's development
  • work-life balance
  • gender equality
What to do next:
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