IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #information #technology
The rationale of schooling is to develop
children
 for modern global schools should prioritize useful
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
 as
information
technology
 and do away with art and
music
.I agree that
information
technology
 is very crucial
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the current century,as it is going to be a major requirement in any job opportunity.
Firstly
,
children
 who got the opportunity to study
information
technology
 from early stages in school will be proficient in
this
 skill as it is part of everyday life.
Technology
 is a powerful tool to teach
children
 as with
fast changing
Add a hyphen
fast-changing
show examples
 world ,
thus
 the skill will be very useful for their future jobs.
For example
 ,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 research done by the Kenyatta university
information
technology
 department shows that 60% of jobs advertisement require
information
technology
 experience.
Therefore
,with
information
technology
 as
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
show examples
 subject in school, will be an added advantage to
children
. For
this
 reason,
technology
 is a powerful tool
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 should be a priority in modern global school
Secondly
,
children
 should be engaged in all subjects because they have different
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 since some can perform
excellent
Change the adjective
excellently
show examples
 in art and
music
 that
information
technology
.
Additionally
,
information
technology
 can
also
 be a requirement in
music
 and art as it is touching every aspect of daily activities.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 most entertainment joints are employing
information
technologist
Fix the agreement mistake
technologists
show examples
 to facilitate
music
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large audience.For
this
 reason,there should be no distinction on which subject is preferred than the other. In conclusion,despite
information
 technologist trending,our current education system should not
complicated
Add a missing verb
be complicated
show examples
 for not teaching some subjects in
argument
Add an article
the argument
an argument
show examples
 that some are more beneficial
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 as every child has
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 interest.Let the
children
 hit the book
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
 required subjects.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: