IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Better driver education for better driving habits is more effective than heavier punishments for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#driver #education #habits #punishments #offenses
There is no doubt in my mind that
this
 topic came at the right time and it shouldn't just be an essay where
people
 debate
about
Correct pronoun usage
itabout
show examples
, it should be an important part of society where drivers are better educated than punished. I will personal agree and
also
 put my resources in advocating that better
driver
education
 for better living driving habits is more effective than heavier punishment for driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
. I could still remember what happened to me two months ago when I was travelling to another state for an important family meeting, the
driver
 was more concerned about making money
instead
 of his
safety
, the
safety
 of his passengers and the
safety
 of other road users.
This
 impression, clearly showed that he will be glad to pay heavier punishment for his
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
instead
 of
safety
 because he lacked
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
driver
's
education
. If
driver
Add an article
the driver
a driver
show examples
(s) is/are asked to pay heavily for their
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 or punished heavily, the
likehood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
 is that the mindset
is not change
Change the verb form
is not changing
is not changed
show examples
 and the offender might repeat
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 action but with better
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
, the mindset, the orientation
are all modify
Change the verb form
are all modified
are all modifying
show examples
 to see the consequence of your negative actions and the outcome of your positive decisions. We have many
people
 on the roads who have little or no knowledge about driving and punishing
such
people
 will not yield a long time positive
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
 due to the fact that they might not know all the "do and don't" of driving. Whereas if
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
people
 have better driving
education
, there is a higher probability that things will go
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
positive direction.
Education
 has always being a tool for
transformation
Correct article usage
the transformation
show examples
 of the mind and society.
Thus
, educating or better
driver
's
education
 will surely yield more results than heavier punishment.
Submitted by ejiromillicent on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: