IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that increasing the price of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

It is true that the obesity rates in most countries are increasing dramatically,
therefore
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that an increase in high-fat
foods
Use synonyms
' prices would solve the problem.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 solution due to some reasons below. The most compelling reason for
this
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 issue is that
rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
foods
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 is,
however
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, not an effective method.
First
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 of all, since the convenience and tastiness of fast
food
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, many
people
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 are addicted to it.
This
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 means that they are not ready to
crub
Correct your spelling
curb
scrub
 their appetite for junk
food
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,
otherwise
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, they are ready to pay for these
foods
Use synonyms
 despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the higher
price
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.
For instance
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, according to a study,
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
McDonalds' outlets had
adjust
Change the verb form
adjusted
show examples
 their
price
Use synonyms
 of
food
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 to
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
 level, the consumer rate remained the same.
Thus
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,
people
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 are willing to afford those more expensive
foods
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. It is
also
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noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that, fattening
food
Use synonyms
 is not the only reason for overweight among
people
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. Other habits,
such
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 as laziness and skipping meals, can
also
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 lead to gaining weight. The most appealing example for
this
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 can be, during the Covid-19 pandemic's lockdowns,
people
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 enjoyed eating and relaxing without doing exercises, which made the intake of
food
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 became harmful and resulted in fatness.
Furthermore
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, skipping meals due to the intensive work can lead to overeating as they will be much hungrier later. In conclusion,
although
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 there are many practices for obesity, increase high-fat
foods
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price
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 is not a suitable choice.
People
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, in order to maintain a healthy weight, should be encouraged to do physical exercises or to insert vital nutrients in their
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be ensured to eat regularly so as to curb their appetite.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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