IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think watching TV is bad to children in every way. other think TV has positive effects on children , as they develop to grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #tv #children #effects
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Some opine that
television
Use synonyms
affects
Rephrase
negatively affects
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adversely on
Rephrase
the
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 development of youth
whereas
Linking Words
 others think the opposite.
This
Linking Words
 essay tries to discuss both views in my opinion
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 one is better because of
catastrophic
Correct article usage
the catastrophic
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 effect on health and make teenager uncivilized. To commence,
television
Use synonyms
 results badly on the body.
In other words
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, there are numerous rays emitted from the
television
Use synonyms
 that not only weaken the eyesight but
also
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 the neuro system.
Moreover
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, it makes youngsters lethargic. In conventional times, during leisure time
children
Use synonyms
 play outdoor games which make them more active . A survey was held in Denmark, in 2018, which revealed that the rate of diseases like obesity, burgeoning after the demand for
television
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 in the market. Next to it, nowadays,
television
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 is the main source owing to which young ones
behaviours
Replace the word
behave
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 inappropriately in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
This
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 means
Change noun form
children's
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children
Use synonyms
 brain is like a car with weak breaks but good acceleration.
Furthermore
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, they have a habit of replication. When they watch anything on TV try to implement
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 their life.
For instance
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. In ,America the rate of juvenile crime starts increasing every year after the permission given by the government to broadcast violent shows . On the other side, the acquisition of knowledge is
also
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 an important thing. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of TV channels like Discovery helps to enhance the knowledge in the field of science. Visualisation imprints
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 minds more than audio.
Although
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 there are many more activities to relax it is one of them to take a break from the monotony schedule under the observation of parents.
Children
Use synonyms
 do not know that what is good for them or not .So parents should monitor
that
Correct word choice
apply
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what they are watching on
television
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, prolonged use of
television
Use synonyms
 is bad for both the health and the development of the mind.
Submitted by bediinderpreet8 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop a clear introduction and conclusion to better frame your essay
task achievement
Ensure that your response directly addresses the prompt and provides more comprehensive ideas with specific examples
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
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