IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems.

#celebrity- #film #star #sports #personality #celebrity
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It is true that there are beneficial reasons for being a well-known person in
such
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 as sports and entertainment industrial
although
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 it can bring certain adverse effects as well. In my opinion, I believe that advantages surpass drawbacks to being a celebrity, which will be discussed in the following essay. There are numerous benefits to
people
Use synonyms
 who become famous.
First
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 of all, it means that they have
well-paid
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a well-paid
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 in their own
perfessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 skills.
For example
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, some film
stars
Use synonyms
 in Hollywood earn more than 50 million dollars for just one
movies
Change to a singular noun
movie
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.
In addition
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, directors and producers will call them to join their programs and ignore the incredibly high payment for those celebrities because famous actors or actresses could attract the customers to watch their movies same as in
football
Correct article usage
the football
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industrial
Replace the word
industry
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, sharp and smart players are easy to move to another team and hope to win the games. Apart from
this
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, another point is being a
Correct your spelling
role model
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role-model
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role model
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 for children. Some young
people
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 dream to be like their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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stars
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. Due to their passion, celebrities are important for encouraging
people
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 to do good actions. Despite
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
aformentioned
Correct article usage
the aformentioned
show examples
 positives to being a celebrity, some negative aspects need to be considered. The
first
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 and most crucial is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
private
Correct article usage
a private
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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.
However
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, how much they are famous, many
stars
Use synonyms
 are
threated
Correct your spelling
treated
threatened
 by some reporters who write especially bad articles or gossips.
Consequencely
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,
this
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 affect directly their families and relationships.
Furthermore
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, they get much pressure from their work because everyone
feel
Change the verb form
feels
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 that they have to be nice
stars
Use synonyms
 and work hard all the time.
This
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 leads to various mental problems,
for instance
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,
anxiety
Add an article
an anxiety
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 disorder which many of them normally are. In conclusion, even though becoming
famous
Add an article
a famous
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 person is able to bring several drawbacks as well as some benefits. If
people
Use synonyms
 respect their loved
stars
Use synonyms
 about work and leisure time, it would provide
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 issues in their jobs.
Submitted by ploy_41 on

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