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Band 5.5

People should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the countryside.to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #suburbs #countryside
It will add value to the community who reside in the
cities
 rather than outskirts or in the countryside. I agree with
this
 statement that there is a lot of opportunity in the
cities
 for those who decide to live there.
Firstly
, there is an offer of greater employment possibility and higher standard of living in the
city
, as
this
 is where most
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 and government facilities are located
thus
 many job opportunities.
In addition
, there is better medical attention because of better medical infrastructure as well as
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
 in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 facilities. Indeed there is better access to education facilities since big learning
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 in the
city
 and
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technologies because of internet connection.
For example
,
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by the Nairobi university shows that 95% of
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 would prefer to live in the
city
 after graduating.
Therefore
, there is greater and competitive employment and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 standard of living.
Secondly
, life in the
cities
 is crowded
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
 it can be a bit stressful.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 there is pollution and often quite noisy.
This
 is overwhelming for
city
 dwellers as many people will not be able to rent big houses because they are expensive and
thus
 there is overcrowding in small houses.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 research
done
Add the auxiliary verb
was done
show examples
 by a master student in Nairobi university
show
Add a comma
,show
show examples
 70% of retirees would prefer to live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 .
Therefore
 life in the
city
 is expensive and crowded. In conclusion, the community that lives in the
city
 has
greater
Add an article
the greater
a greater
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and become for efficient in their daily activities due to better infrastructure and education
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in the
cities
. Perhaps it is more enjoyable to live in the
city
 than
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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