IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts below illustrate the proportion of the population ages in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and these portions of the population ages were
also
Linking Words
 predicted in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2050 . The data is calibrated in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that in the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, slightly over half of the population's
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 was below 14
years
Use synonyms
 old,
while
Linking Words
 substantially more than half of
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 in Italy was between 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 old.
However
Linking Words
, the charts in 2050 from both nations were predicted to go in the same direction, that the
60 plus
Add a hyphen
60-plus
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 would increase from the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000. It is apparent that the majority
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 was under the
age
Use synonyms
 of 14
years
Use synonyms
, at 51%, followed by the groups of 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 old and the 60 plus
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, at 46.3% and 3.6% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 in Italy, the largest
group
Use synonyms
 was from 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 old, at 61,6%.
Then
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 largest proportion was from 60 plus and
lastly
Linking Words
 from the below
14
Add a hyphen
14-year-old
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 old
group
Use synonyms
, at 24.1% and 14.3%. The pie charts
also
Linking Words
 give the prediction of the percentage of the populations of both countries in the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2050. A notable point is that
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy both have similar forecasts for the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 60 plus, which would increase. In
Yemen
Use synonyms
, it slightly increased from 3.6% to 5.7%,
while
Linking Words
 in Italy it dramatically increased from 24.1% to 42.3%.
Submitted by Immy Knijpstra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, year, age, group, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: