Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, thanks to sophisticated medicine, the life expectancy of
people
is longer than it used to be in the past. With that in mind, it is anticipated that the number of old people
will exceed the youngest ones. While
there might be possible disadvantages of this
development, it is my opinion that the advantages are more significant.
To begin
with, the first disadvantage of people
living longer is that it might be an economic burden on some countries such
as third-world nations. This
is because the cost of medicine production and development is high as these countries allocate their money to be spent in other fields with higher priorities such
as building infrastructure. Secondly
, if the number of older people
is increasing, this
might harm the workforce. The reason for this
is that several work fields require physical strength such
as construction works. Consequently
, elderly people
are not fit for such
jobs as there are fewer young people
who can fill the gap.
Having said that, the first benefit of having more old people
around is that it is worthwhile for the working force
. Correct your spelling
workforce
This
is because most of the married youths are dual-income families; both of the parents are working. Therefore
, if the grandparents are enjoying good health, these working couples will leave their children with grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
while
they at work. As a result
, they will feel a sense of tranquillity and security. What is more, these old people
can benefit society in the long run. This
is based on the fact that they possess valuable wisdom and experience from their long lifetime. Moreover
, they can transfer their useful aspects to children, and, this
indeed, will lead to a better generation in the future.
In conclusion, although
there are several problems that this
development – brings predominately economic burden and negatively affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
workforce
- the benefits it brings Correct article usage
the workforce
such
as helping their sons to take care of their children and raising better future generations are impossible to ignore.Submitted by omarmohamed995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the paragraph discussing the economic burden and the impact on the workforce.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a more consistent use of sequence markers and connectors to improve flow and connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction with a precise thesis statement setting the framework for discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarized the main points and provided a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Your analysis of how elderly people can benefit society through wisdom and experience is insightful and original.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!